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November 20, 2009

Luxury Boxes at the World Series of Demolition

~ written by Bruce Campbell

Mel Allen, the late and nonpareil sportscaster (and a lawyer, by the way) always described being in the best possible position in life as “sitting in the catbird seat.” The phrase apparently refers to the fact that catbirds choose the highest branch in the highest tree on which to perch. Well, that is just where the CBA’s offices are as the Columbus City Center completes its journey from chichi palace of avarice to humongous rubble heap, and the view is smashing – literally.

The annihilators started on the south end of the block and are progressing inexorably, like gargantuan emerald ash bores, northward. Constrained by the need to save the parking lot below and surrounding buildings like ours, the Loewendick warriors cannot just implode the thing but must pick it apart a piece at a time. The operation resembles King Kong playing Pick-Up-Sticks with the Hulk. Burly people driving Brobdingnagian machines bop, crane, claw, shove, blowtorch and otherwise rent things asunder. These folks cannot possibly have any unrelieved frustration after a shift of pulverizing stuff.

The whole process is astoundingly dainty and orderly. Like things are stacked together in tidy piles for carting away. The munchings of one day and night (much apparently is done by the light of the moon) are neatened the next. Several workers constantly train fire hoses on the detritus to keep clouds of crud from driving up the smog factor. On the roof, a platoon of workers chip away the protective covering and then, inexplicably, sweep up the exposed underlayment as if preparing for a formal VIP reception to be held there before the crunchers take it all away.

My colleague, Alysha Clous has the southwest corner office here and, thus, is at the epicenter of wrecker watching. The Ethics Department is considering renting her space to corporate fat cats if we can get a liquor license. Alex, in his northwest corner office, will just have to wait awhile until things progress toward his end.

If you are at the CBA for CLE or a committee meeting, there is a commanding view of all this from our training room – not that I am suggesting that what is going on in the room is not engaging enough.

If you know a curious child or are one, forget the Zoo, COSI, or a trip to Disney World. This show is free and way more exciting.